Almost a year after divorcing my husband, I tried my “heart.” I went into a “serious” relationship with a younger man, a surgeon who is four years younger than me. He is not that super and extremely attractive type of doctor that you see on TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy, or Chicago Med. He is just a regular guy, who has beautiful hands that operate on people – poor people – who can’t pay for their surgery. That’s the type of guy that I have now. He is helpful and donates his time to the less fortunate by providing his surgical expertise. And that’s one of the things I immediately liked about him.
People automatically feel love for others who are valuable as a survival and reproductive partner. If you don’t have value, you don’t trigger those feelings in others. — Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.
I was once very workaholic, but after my divorce, I relaxed a bit and lay low. My work demanded me to be up and working for at least twelve to sixteen hours each day. I was in real estate, and you know how that goes when working on people and the market. It has to be fast-paced, and always on the go. Always ready. I have financial freedom for many years now, but my relationship with my husband suffered. He left me for another woman, and I can say, it was partly my fault. I should have worked a little bit less and put effort into my marriage.
But it’s over and done. We are already moving on separately, and here I am. At forty years old, I have a 36-year-old hottie doctor. Oh yes, he is hot – beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yeah? I do have some problems though, at first, which I learned how to fix and process as we went along.
Instead of confronting the reality that work time can not also be sleep time or free time or family time, some of us have embraced a semi-fictional belief that we can get work done while enjoying the other important aspects of our lives. — Tchiki Davis, Ph.D.
I was used to being independent, and I had no one to care for daily. My ex-husband and I didn’t have kids, and so, apart from our mini pinscher named Zuzu (our baby is with me), we just had our careers. Now, I have a “serious” boyfriend, and he wants to be given attention. For the love of God!!! How do I do that??? I had to call my girlfriends who married their college sweethearts and ask them – how to be an “attentive” girlfriend. They all laughed at me because I had no clue. I was married for fifteen years, and I had no clue how to attend to a boyfriend.
Well, they gave me tips since they act as experts.
- I have to give time each day for him, and that means, no work, no phone, no laptop, and nothing else but him. My friend, Richie, said that she and her husband talked about his “time” and they have thirty minutes each day just being together, that is after dinner.
- Dinner… Oh, my God. I can’t cook, and he seems to be the one who wants to eat at home each night. Zuzu’s momma can’t do it and so, my friend, Adriana, said that if I can’t cook, I should have someone cook nightly meals for me that I can pop in the micro! Good idea!
- He wants to have sleepovers. And I have the nastiest snoring sound or mouth, or whatever. Lia, another friend, suggested that I see a doctor for that.
Looking at these three issues, we have more than three; the common denominator is time. Time. I had to adjust my time and my schedule for him. Was I willing to do it? Without blinking. If I want to have a successful romantic relationship, I have to give a little. I want this to work, and I need to put in the effort.
The way to achieve the perfect work-life balance is to not do any work. If your work and life are in separate compartments, something’s gone wrong. — Rod Judkins M.A., RCA