Loving Yourself Is The Only Way To Go

I used to believe that I wasn’t worth anything if I didn’t have my husband’s love. You could say that I was that needy and clingy, or maybe he controlled me that much and had that power over me. And I let him because I thought that this was love. I felt that if I submitted to him, like how an obedient wife would bow down to her husband, he would love me more. That didn’t happen.

One important aspect of understanding self-love involves figuring out what it’s not. — Alicia Muñoz, LPC

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Another sad attempt of mine to keep his “love” was to agree in having so many babies. Don’t get me wrong. I love all of my children – all five of them is a part of my life. They are my children, and they all came from me. I am half of what they are, and they are part of the reason why I still exist and persist in my life. But I made myself think, back then, that if I had many kids with him, he will love me forever and will stay with me. That didn’t happen.

Would you believe that I almost died? I tried to commit suicide by drinking dangerous pills twelve years ago. It was a stupid move – I know that now. I thought that if I made this kind of “drama,” he will leave his mistress. If I “almost died,” he will love me more and try to make it all the better between us. In my mind, he will stop gambling. He will stay at home more, and he will help me out with your children. All I wanted was his love and attention. That didn’t happen.

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We all want that magic carpet ride to serenity, calm, and peace. However, there are more scenarios that can undermine your peace of mind.  — Teresa Trower, LMHC

He neglected me for years. I had trouble sleeping and experienced bouts of depression too. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and for what? Just for a man, a man who didn’t even deserve my love.

I realized that things would never go my way – all the sweet moments and the love things – when he got another trash pregnant yet again. This man has no regard for my feelings. He doesn’t think about me; what makes me sad, or angry, and what makes me happy. All he cares about himself and how he can take advantage of me and my love for him.

So, I did what was unbearable at first. I distanced myself from him. And like an abuser to his victim, he tried to lure me back in, but I already built a wall. It wasn’t sturdy enough back then, but my family was my anchor. They were there to support me and remind me that I am better off without him. Why? He has done nothing but harms me physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically. That man even damaged my bank account and gold jewelry. There is nothing good between us except for our five children, and for that, just for that, I am grateful for his existence.

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God placed me in this situation. This is my destiny, and even if I had to go through a touch twenty years, I still thank my Creator that I am alive and well.

By focusing on values that stem from existing strengths, we can better appreciate the intent of the goal and the positive impact it will have on ourselves and others.  — Teyhou Smyth Ph.D., LMFT

One year has passed, and I am feeling great. I have a new career, and let’s say, a few fans waving and paving their ways to my heart. Good thing that I am not stupid now and that I know to love myself first, before anything else.

Balancing Career And Family Time  


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Many parents work religiously and do business excellently because they want to provide the best things for their children. This is a good thing as long as the parents can find the perfect balance between career and family time. At this point, it is significant to note that kids need more attention, love, care and time more than anything else in this world. For this reason, it is essential that you make an effort to spend quality time with your children despite the fact that you are too busy with work or business. 

Although poorly named—work is an important part of life, not a conflicting aspect of it—the term “work-life balance” is pretty accurate: to balance regular demands on our time, including work responsibilities, loving relationships, physical and mental well-being, and individual pursuits. — Tchiki Davis, Ph.D.

Check this list below for some smart ideas on how to find time to spend with your kids despite having a hectic schedule: 

Share A Breakfast Together 

As much as possible, wake up early so that you can prepare breakfast for your children and share the morning meals with them. This lovely and straightforward gesture can mean a lot to them. Try to cook food that they want to eat for a particular day. It is highly recommended to have a menu plan for the week so that you will not experience inconvenience or difficulty during the cooking time. At the same time, do not hesitate to ask for some help from your spouse.  

Help In Making Assignments 

If your children are still in their tender age, then expect them to go home every day with several assignments from their subjects. What you can do is to help them prepare for these home works. Teach them the proper ways of answering the tasks given out by their teachers. Always keep in mind that as a parent, you have the primary responsibility to help them learn or increase their knowledge. 

… it means giving all of your time, money, energy, and love to someone else for nothing more in trade than the occasional lip service of “you’re wonderful” and “I love you”. — Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.

Make Weekends Count  

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Your kids understand if you only have a little time to share with them during the weekends. They know that you needed to go to work or conduct business for the good of the family. However, expect them to look forward to every weekend. They have probably a lot of things going on in their minds. The best thing to do is to ask them what they want to achieve or happen for the weekend. Make a promise to spend the whole Saturday or Sunday with your little ones. 

Avoid Taking Calls 

When you are at home, make it a habit of rejecting calls from work or business unless they are important. Be polite in reminding your boss, clients or colleagues that you prefer not to receive calls after office or working hours. Do not worry because they will understand the situation. Consider your home as an exclusive sanctuary where you can rest and chill with the entire family. Do not let business calls ruin it.  

To be good ethical people – good parents, children, friends, citizens, and workers – we need good character and it is an open empirical question whether access to essential goods such as food, shelter, and education will enable us to develop good character and fill our life-defining ethical roles well. — Bradford Cokelet Ph.D.

Spending quality time with your kids is essential. You cannot just keep on showering them with material things. As already mentioned above, they need to feel that you love them. Show your children how much they matter to you by giving them most of your time. They need to feel that you are always there whenever they want someone to talk to or try the new experience with.   


Work-Life Balance: Giving Attention To Your Boyfriend (A Personal Story)

Almost a year after divorcing my husband, I tried my “heart.” I went into a “serious” relationship with a younger man, a surgeon who is four years younger than me. He is not that super and extremely attractive type of doctor that you see on TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy, or Chicago Med. He is just a regular guy, who has beautiful hands that operate on people – poor people – who can’t pay for their surgery. That’s the type of guy that I have now. He is helpful and donates his time to the less fortunate by providing his surgical expertise. And that’s one of the things I immediately liked about him.

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Low-Self Esteem And Depression – What To Do About It


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Last week, I talked about finding my worth after twenty years of being married to a gambling addict, among many other things. What I wanted to say is that, for all women out there, you have to know your worth even before you get into a relationship. Men will take you for granted if you let them see that you have low self-esteem. But then again, how will you know that you lack in that issue? I will discuss this later in the blog, but let me tell you my story first.

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Know Your Worth As A Wife – Or You Will End Up Like Me

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I have no value whatsoever for this man. He does not see me as his beloved wife; not even as a human being. I don’t know why he has come to this point, or why we have reached this level of indifference. My mind keeps on repeating the past and our history. I am trying to remember what happened in those twenty years that we’ve been married, and in between our five children. How did he become like this to me? Where did it all go wrong? Will I ever get the answers to my questions?

Continue reading “Know Your Worth As A Wife – Or You Will End Up Like Me”

What To Do When Someone Refuses To Listen To You

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You do not have to become a therapist to realize that you can give as many advice as you want, but not everyone will listen to you. Take the case of almost every parent out there as an example. When their teenage kids are dealing with a love problem, they sometimes don’t get heard because the children say that “they don’t know how they feel.” If mom or dad advises the kids to choose better friends and let go of the current ones, the latter think they are ridiculous.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, student, or employee, though, you need to emulate the traits of a therapist. To be specific, try not to yell at someone’s face, no matter how frustrated you may be. Mental health professionals know better than to do that. Aside from it perhaps being against their oath, the shouting can only rattle someone’s brain further and prevent them from seeing reason. That may even push them to make more irrational decisions, to the extent that their lives become at risk.

Here are a few more tips on what to do when someone refuses to listen to you.

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Sometimes the people who have the most words in an argument have the most impoverished vocabularies for their emotions. — Lois V. Nightingale, PhD

Don’t Preach If A Person’s Not In A Good Mood

The first thing to remember is to make sure that the individual you are trying to show some sense to is not having a rough day already. For instance, their lunch order did not come late. There was not a lot of traffic even during rush hour. Their exam results were more than passable.

If you don’t wait for them to cheer up, the person may think that you are insensitive of their feelings. They may not have the energy to snap back at you, but they can ignore you. It can happen regardless if you’re the boss and they are only your employee, considering upset people feel like they have nothing else to lose in such desperate times. So, if your goal is to help, try to do it when an individual is in a good mood.

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No matter how well you thought through the words you shared, the way you listened to them will make or break your ability to change how they feel and think. — Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.

Avoid Saying Someone’s Views Are Wrong

In reality, you know the right way to solve a colleague’s or loved one’s issue; that’s why you are trying to help. You may have experienced it in the past or know someone who has. Furthermore, you may be a professional who wants to offer a free consultation to a distressed person who is close to you.

Despite how wrong someone’s views are, however, you should avoid saying that blatantly. For one, it will hurt their feelings, to the point that your relationship will come to an end. Secondly, they may sulk and try to take a jab at you using your history. Worse, you may force them to keep on doing what they should not be doing because you have gotten them angry.

Just chill and pick every word that comes out of your mouth, therefore, to avoid giving a troublesome individual more problems.

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We need to learn how to act as a pressure relief valve for others, including family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers. We need to learn how to reduce our own pressure, but also how to help others release the anger and fear in safer ways. — Nancy Berns Ph.D.

Let It Be

The last advice when someone does not want to listen to you is to let it be. Especially with adults, you cannot tie them up or ground them if they refuse to see a situation in your perspective. All the veins can show on your neck, and you won’t still get heard if they have already closed their mind and ears.

The only thing that you can do is to allow people to realize the right path on their own. Will it mean they may make mistakes and fall? Maybe, maybe not. Will they say, “I wish I have listened to you sooner” in the end? Perhaps. There is no way to predict how someone’s life will turn out.

What matters is that you don’t sneer when a person sees how right you are and uttering, “I told you so.” You may have known what to do all along, but you should be happy that they have plucked up the courage to find their way. That is honestly commendable since not everyone seems determined enough to do anything to alter their reality for the better.

To Sum It All Up

There will always be at least one stubborn person in your life. It can be your aging parent, growing child, or new coworker. You want to help them see that what they are doing is unacceptable, that there is another way to accomplish things. Kudos to you for being willing to spend your time helping them, but you cannot force your views to anyone. As mentioned above, you need to wait till they are in a good mood, not say outright that they’re wrong, and let them be if they still refuse to listen.

Take Things Slowly (A Psychologist’s Advice)

Stress and pressure are indeed the worst enemies you can have in your life.  It ruins your sense of worthiness, motivation, and even emotional and mental state. It deals with too much life toxicities that are sometimes way impossible to handle. It supports the buildup of anxiety and depression, as well. There are a lot of negativities associated with it, and a psychologist would not argue with that. But with all the drama, irregularities, and struggles you may experience in life, there is still one essential thing you need to remember. That is to take things slowly.

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Adults, who realize that both bad and good times pass, have the advantage here over teens, who often suffer greatly after new adversities and wonder if they will be happy again. — Teresa Trower, LMHC

Admittedly, there are things in life that require immediate resolution. Meaning, you need to make instant decisions with or without thoroughly thinking about the consequences of that particular issue. It seems pretty tough, though. But no matter how hard you avoid it, it will always go down to you making a move. However, it is not always the case. There are times that even if the situation requires your immediate action, you can still play pause and take things slowly. You can have the chance to evaluate the factors to make the whole scenario worthwhile.

The Biggest Mistake

Would you agree if people would say that the biggest mistakes in life happen when you rush things? Indeed, it is. When you make a decision that you know can change your life forever, there is no turning back. There is no rewind, edit, and delete portion. With that said, all actions and decisions on a particular matter stay in it. That includes having a family and getting married, deciding what career path to take, taking people in and out of your life, and even changing your whole perception with personality development. Truthfully, addressing essential things in life is not as easy as 1,2, and 3. There are tons of reflections to take and sacrifices to make. Most of the times, things you want are often out of your control. There is always an instance of you giving up and doing things all over again.

It seems that, as a culture, we’ll do almost anything to take our attention away from the moment we’re living in with all its unsettling, in-your-face, nonnegotiable reality. — Alicia Muñoz, LPC

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As what all people know, irrational decisions are often the cause of failed success. There is too much dependency, blame, mishandling, and loss of hope. Yes, there are circumstances that instant approach can become a game changer. However, the process of success does not entirely follow an order. Therefore, the particular move becomes useless. Things can change quickly without prior notice, and whether you like or not, you will still have to create a decision that genuinely works. With that, the automatic creation of resolution will not guarantee an actual and positive outcome. Thus, whatever it is that you think will work today, will not necessarily often create a difference in the future.

What You Can Do

So before you can even sour-grape and regret the things you already did or did not do, you might as well think things thoroughly. You can start by evaluating your goals in life. Learn to check out the importance of your capability in handling problems related to financial stability, career growth, community involvement, even relationship advancement, and so on. There are significant things you can do when you know how to use your time and energy wisely. It is essential to note that when it comes to handling life, relationships, and career decisions, multiple evaluations are needed. Instead of jumping into conclusion, it is better to take a few steps back and reflect on what possible outcome an action may serve.

We offer comfort and soothing in some way, whether it’s a healing glance, a loving touch, a supportive hug, or kind words. The gift of comforting and soothing stimulates the soothing/contentment system in the body and provides a sense of security that helps tone down negative emotions. Beverly Engel L.M.F.T.

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No one said that life would be easy. Everything about it often starts with a mess. There are particular things that you might not like but have to do because you have to. But no matter how harsh and unpredictable life can get, you are still the owner of it. Meaning, only you can make a difference. It is only you who can alter what is in front of you and decide on every piece of it in aim for the betterment of yourself. Yes, stress and anxiety are always part of the process. But those are not enough reasons for you to stay out of track. Be mindful that whatever your decisions are going to be, you need to take things slowly. Besides, patience is always a virtue.

Travel Tips For Someone Who Wants To De-Stress

While some stress is normal and even healthy, many people today are over-stressed, and, more concerning, are not adequately mitigating this increased stress load. The negative effects of unmitigated stress are alarming. — Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D.

If there is one thing that you must always remember, it is the importance of taking time to rest so that you can de-stress. Keep in mind that the presence of anxiety and stress in your life can have adverse effects. At the same time, it can even affect your mental health, which can be bad for your overall well-being. Do not worry because there are several strategies on how to take the stress away; one of the things that you can do is to go on travel or trip.

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Below are the tips and tricks to remember if you want to travel for the sole purpose of de-stressing and to find yourself again:

Plan The Trip

While life is all about spontaneity, it is still best if you will take time to plan your trip ahead of time. Do not rely on spontaneous itineraries that you will make while you are on the plane. Make sure to learn more about the place that you will be visiting you that you can set your expectations. As much as possible, book the hotel earlier so that you can get the best deals and offers. Remember that the purpose of your trip is to de-stress, which is why everything must be taken cared of ahead of time.

Do It Alone

Do not be afraid to go on a solo trip. Take note that many counties and cities are now safe for women who want to travel on their own. Avoid tagging along with a family member, your loved one or a friend so that you can enjoy a moment of solitude. Being away from these people will make you realize how much they mean in your life. There are many fun or exciting activities that you can do if you are going to travel solo. Just be sure to be smart enough to plane everything before you visit the area.

Make a point to practice even breathing throughout your journey and, when possible, take time to do light stretching and focused deep breathing. This will help your body and mind relax. — Deanna Richards, LMHC

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Bring Extra Cash

As much as possible, bring cash more than the budget that you intended for the trip. Use this money as a buffer in case you exceed your budget. Take note that there is a high tendency that you would go beyond the cash that you set aside from the trip. As such, be sure to bring some extra money with you so that you have something to use in case something comes up. This tip is essential if you are traveling on your own and in a foreign country. Whether you like it or not, the reality is that money is crucial when it comes to traveling.

Do Relaxing Activities

When you have arrived at the area of destination, make sure that your first activity is to rest in your room. Enjoy the moment of being alone in a four-walled room away from your office desk or business table. You will be amazed at how doing this can set your mood right for the entire trip. Once you are done with this, it is time to look for other relaxing activities such as having a massage from a local spa or attending a yoga glass Do something that is out of your comfort zone and enjoys it with all your heart.

Keep Your Phone Away

As much as possible, make an effort to avoid your duties and obligations at work or business. Remind yourself why you have decided to travel in the first place. Never let anyone stop you from having a good time in a different place. An excellent way of making sure no one can disturb you is to keep your phone away. Avoid checking your messages and calls, unless you believe they are urgent and necessary. If possible, ask your friends or family members to call you during the period of your travel. Tell them that they can only ring you in times of emergency.

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If you do not put yourself on your list of things to take care of, you will tire easily and your resilience will weaken. — Karen Kleiman MSW, LCSW


Travelling is only one of the various options that you can try if you want to de-stress. There are other strategies that you can try or check (see more here: sheknows.com and mom365.com. Do not worry if going on a trip is quite impossible at the moment for your schedule or budget. You can try other de-stressing tips such as keeping yourself away from toxic people, eating right and following a balanced diet, dedicating your time for meditation or exercising regularly. All these can take your anxiety away.

How To Handle Anxiety At Work So It Doesn’t Destroy You

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Anxiety chooses no one. It can take place anywhere and at any time. And the more this condition becomes an inconvenience is when it strikes while you are at work in your office. Being in your office can hit some nerves up especially if some presentations or reports need to be attended immediately. But when your anxiety steps up to an uncontrollable level and gets out of hand, then, you will need the help there is.

In the U.S., stress has reached epidemic proportions, with 65% of workers reporting chronic levels of stress. According to a national survey put forth by the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA), anxious employees frequently report difficulties managing everyday problems; setting and meeting deadlines; managing others; maintaining personal relationships, and participating in regularly scheduled meetings. —

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Things That Take Away Your Success

Putting up a goal and setting up the right attitude is the fundamentals of obtaining success. There are a lot of sacrifices that you need to consider as well tough decisions to make. Sometimes it requires letting go of people that don’t contribute to it at all. It can be a close friend, a family member, a spouse, etc. There are times that you’ll struggle, feel pain, and break. Yes, it’s inconsistent and exhausting most of the times, but eventually, hardships and sacrifices unquestionably pay off. You need to determine how to deal with stressors and become more open to ideas. But how would you do that if you don’t know what the hindrances are? You might want to start to evaluate the factors that take you away from reaching your goal.

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Seeing other people around you reaching their success should start to motivate you. That includes your competitors. The way other individuals handle their objectives should become your inspiration and not something that will make you question your capabilities. You need to learn from them and allow yourself to understand the right strategies that you can also apply to your situation. Stop wasting your time looking at them at comparing yourself with their achievements. It will only sidetrack you from accomplishing your progress.


A lot of people fail because they have the habit of making excuses. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them. If you make a terrible decision and screw things up, stand up and own it. If something you do doesn’t turn out as planned, avoid making excuses. Instead, look for the cause of the problem and start addressing it. If you keep putting things away from where they should be, situations automatically get mixed up. So before you say something and reason out for the wrong things that are in front of you, continue to learn from the roots of it.

Most of us achieve our goals one small step at a time. Stress-management is no different. It’s not an all or nothing venture. Every little act of self-care contributes to less stress, better health, and happier relationships. —

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Stock Up Learning

Your age, experience, and level of success are not enough reasons to stop you from learning. Success requires ongoing progress, and the more you thrive hard, the more you reach its mastery. But when you get stuck up and don’t allow knowledge to fill in, you will end up losing everything. It is okay to admit that you are incapable of knowing things. Use it as an inspiration to see things differently. Never assume that your position right now will permanently stay because it will not.


Looking back too often on the things that you didn’t achieve can make you lose focus. When you keep on thinking about the failures you had in the past, you’ll never be able to concentrate on what’s currently essential. Instead of blaming yourself from the wrong decisions you have made in the past, look for ways to maneuver the obstacles around your success. Put in mind that there’s no way you can bring things back. Therefore, the only way to achieve your goal is to push forward and never look back. Use your mistakes as a guide and practice picturing out the future.

Certainly pride is felt when we finish a valued task. Needless task delay undermines this sense of accomplishment and pride. — Timothy A Pychyl Ph.D.

Negative People

Associating with negative individuals make you create more complaints, excuses, and negative outlook in life. There’s a need to avoid these individuals at all cost. These people’s negativity can hurt your mental health because they remove you from your focus. With that, it impacts your potential and makes you lose control of your decision-making skills and ability to find solutions. These individuals are cancers to your success. Instead of keeping them around you, surround yourself with like-minded persons that encourage and inspire you to work on your objectives.

Fear of Change

Some people live their lives in doing the same things over and over again. If you are one of them, then expect wonderful things will never come in your way. The lack of willingness to build and adjust on your plans will never allow you to reach a goal. Since success is a continuous process, a stagnant strategy doesn’t allow possible opportunities. Instead of being scared of the inconsistency of success, use it as a tool for interventions.

Fear of failure can be paralyzing. People may turn down new opportunities and opt out of everything from a new job to a new relationship because they are too afraid that they will fail. —

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More Talk

If you let your bark becomes more significant than your bite, you’ll only end up doing nothing. Successful people don’t just sit back and talk about things they want to do; they work on it. These individuals plan, follow through, address issues, and conquer success. If you keep on blabbering and wait for things to happen, then your goals are useless. Instead of opening your mouth and continuously talk about what you want to achieve, start making progress. Find ways to deliver your plans and continue to work hard.

Every process of success requires determination, motivation, perseverance, and focus. Allow failure to become part of your growth and learn to start things over. Never allow these things to take away the spotlight.