You do not have to become a therapist to realize that you can give as many advice as you want, but not everyone will listen to you. Take the case of almost every parent out there as an example. When their teenage kids are dealing with a love problem, they sometimes don’t get heard because the children say that “they don’t know how they feel.” If mom or dad advises the kids to choose better friends and let go of the current ones, the latter think they are ridiculous.
Whether you’re a parent, teacher, student, or employee, though, you need to emulate the traits of a therapist. To be specific, try not to yell at someone’s face, no matter how frustrated you may be. Mental health professionals know better than to do that. Aside from it perhaps being against their oath, the shouting can only rattle someone’s brain further and prevent them from seeing reason. That may even push them to make more irrational decisions, to the extent that their lives become at risk.
Here are a few more tips on what to do when someone refuses to listen to you.
Sometimes the people who have the most words in an argument have the most impoverished vocabularies for their emotions. — Lois V. Nightingale, PhD
Don’t Preach If A Person’s Not In A Good Mood
The first thing to remember is to make sure that the individual you are trying to show some sense to is not having a rough day already. For instance, their lunch order did not come late. There was not a lot of traffic even during rush hour. Their exam results were more than passable.
If you don’t wait for them to cheer up, the person may think that you are insensitive of their feelings. They may not have the energy to snap back at you, but they can ignore you. It can happen regardless if you’re the boss and they are only your employee, considering upset people feel like they have nothing else to lose in such desperate times. So, if your goal is to help, try to do it when an individual is in a good mood.
No matter how well you thought through the words you shared, the way you listened to them will make or break your ability to change how they feel and think. — Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.
Avoid Saying Someone’s Views Are Wrong
In reality, you know the right way to solve a colleague’s or loved one’s issue; that’s why you are trying to help. You may have experienced it in the past or know someone who has. Furthermore, you may be a professional who wants to offer a free consultation to a distressed person who is close to you.
Despite how wrong someone’s views are, however, you should avoid saying that blatantly. For one, it will hurt their feelings, to the point that your relationship will come to an end. Secondly, they may sulk and try to take a jab at you using your history. Worse, you may force them to keep on doing what they should not be doing because you have gotten them angry.
Just chill and pick every word that comes out of your mouth, therefore, to avoid giving a troublesome individual more problems.
We need to learn how to act as a pressure relief valve for others, including family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers. We need to learn how to reduce our own pressure, but also how to help others release the anger and fear in safer ways. — Nancy Berns Ph.D.
Let It Be
The last advice when someone does not want to listen to you is to let it be. Especially with adults, you cannot tie them up or ground them if they refuse to see a situation in your perspective. All the veins can show on your neck, and you won’t still get heard if they have already closed their mind and ears.
The only thing that you can do is to allow people to realize the right path on their own. Will it mean they may make mistakes and fall? Maybe, maybe not. Will they say, “I wish I have listened to you sooner” in the end? Perhaps. There is no way to predict how someone’s life will turn out.
What matters is that you don’t sneer when a person sees how right you are and uttering, “I told you so.” You may have known what to do all along, but you should be happy that they have plucked up the courage to find their way. That is honestly commendable since not everyone seems determined enough to do anything to alter their reality for the better.
To Sum It All Up
There will always be at least one stubborn person in your life. It can be your aging parent, growing child, or new coworker. You want to help them see that what they are doing is unacceptable, that there is another way to accomplish things. Kudos to you for being willing to spend your time helping them, but you cannot force your views to anyone. As mentioned above, you need to wait till they are in a good mood, not say outright that they’re wrong, and let them be if they still refuse to listen.