Maintaining A Stress-Free Life By Handling Difficult People Effectively

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We log long hours at work with the fear of losing our jobs through downsizing hanging over our heads. Then we fight rush hour traffic to get home in time to be super-parents, putting dinner on the table, helping our kids with their homework, and checking in with friends and family members we feel we have neglected because we are so overwhelmed. — Denise Cummins Ph.D.

If you are all for efficiency, working with a great team is an advantage. However, that is not always the case. Because we came from different backgrounds, we are bound to clash with some individuals that may be considered as “difficult.”

 

Working with a “difficult” person brings about a lot of unnecessary stress because your actions may be misinterpreted not only by that person but by others as well. If you are the kind of person to get anxious quickly by the fact of people talking behind your back, here’s how you can retain your productivity while handling difficult people effectively.

 

Maintain Professionalism

Even if that difficult person attacks incessantly, be the better person and maintain civility. Sometimes, treating these people with respect can also lessen their attacks.

It will also preserve your peers’ high regard and respect for you.

 

Also, don’t take their attacks too seriously. Just keep your head up high, especially if you know you are on the right. However, consider these criticisms as catalysts to further improve the quality of your work.

 

Know Your Red Flags

If you want to maintain your calm, you should be able to foresee your “red flags.”

These could mean emotional triggers that will lead you to unleash unprofessional actions.

 

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Awareness of these triggers can enable you to check yourself. These triggers will also allow you to disengage in a conversation when you feel that it will lead to a negative turnout.

 When most of us consider stress, we think of it as a negative force in our lives—one to be avoided at all costs and managed quickly when it appears. As you might imagine, avoidance is not often the best tool for becoming more adept at managing stress when it does inevitably occur. — Mandy Beth Rubin, LPC

Keep Communication Lines Open

Keeping communication is very important, especially if you will have to work with him/her long-term.  It is easier just to assume things. Thus, disagreements and misunderstandings are more likely to rise if you do not communicate with this person (or any other person within your office).

 

Also, it is especially true if you are working in a team setting. Open communication is beneficial to keep team members posted on your interactions with the difficult co-worker. They may be able to suggest ways on how to interact with him/her, based on their knowledge of the person.

 

You can be proactive in initiating a conversation with that person and lead him/ her to a constructive dialogue. Listen to the person’s accusations and address them professionally. You may even do this through an email, so you can be able to keep track. Doing this may also pave the way for eventual reconciliation!

 

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Raise Concerns With Your Superior

Of course, it would be helpful if you let your superior in on what’s happening in the office.

If matters get worse, your superior can intervene in the situation and act as a mediator between the two of you. Furthermore, your superior can create specific rules for interaction in the office. In dire circumstances, this may even include inhibiting the person from interacting with you.

A coping response that is grounded in the burgeoning field of positive psychology is proactive coping, which characterizes how individuals detect, interpret, and prepare for anticipated stressors in their daily lives. — Monnica T Williams Ph.D.

However difficult dealing with this kind of people may be, remember that no man is an island. Whether you are working home-based or office-based, you are bound to collaborate with another individual.  By keeping in mind these simple tricks, you can surely save yourself from a lot of stress!

 

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How To Love Yourself If You Have Anxiety Disorder

Your instantaneous physiological reactions might include rapid heartbeat, tightened muscles, heat rising into your head and neck area, clenched teeth, increased sweat, as well as an increased propensity to scream your dissatisfaction to the non-existent persona on the other end of the line. In short, you’ve just been hijacked by your autonomic nervous system and you’re “stressed.” — Teresa Trower, LMHC

Having a mental health problem or issue can make you doubt yourself. You will start to think that you are incapable of loving someone and being loved in return. At the same time, it will also be difficult on your part to accept certain things in your life. One of the mental illnesses that can affect your life is an anxiety disorder. Whether you like it or not, you have no choice but to fight this problem. You cannot allow this situation to defeat you.

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Counseling Advised You To Own Your Day 

All of us struggle with the busyness of everyday life. Looking forward to the weekend for fun and rest is what keeps us going.  But then when your boss suddenly calls for a heads up for extra work on the weekends, this could immediately put your spirit even more down.   

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Loving Yourself Is The Only Way To Go

I used to believe that I wasn’t worth anything if I didn’t have my husband’s love. You could say that I was that needy and clingy, or maybe he controlled me that much and had that power over me. And I let him because I thought that this was love. I felt that if I submitted to him, like how an obedient wife would bow down to her husband, he would love me more. That didn’t happen.

One important aspect of understanding self-love involves figuring out what it’s not. — Alicia Muñoz, LPC

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Another sad attempt of mine to keep his “love” was to agree in having so many babies. Don’t get me wrong. I love all of my children – all five of them is a part of my life. They are my children, and they all came from me. I am half of what they are, and they are part of the reason why I still exist and persist in my life. But I made myself think, back then, that if I had many kids with him, he will love me forever and will stay with me. That didn’t happen.

Would you believe that I almost died? I tried to commit suicide by drinking dangerous pills twelve years ago. It was a stupid move – I know that now. I thought that if I made this kind of “drama,” he will leave his mistress. If I “almost died,” he will love me more and try to make it all the better between us. In my mind, he will stop gambling. He will stay at home more, and he will help me out with your children. All I wanted was his love and attention. That didn’t happen.

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We all want that magic carpet ride to serenity, calm, and peace. However, there are more scenarios that can undermine your peace of mind.  — Teresa Trower, LMHC

He neglected me for years. I had trouble sleeping and experienced bouts of depression too. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and for what? Just for a man, a man who didn’t even deserve my love.

I realized that things would never go my way – all the sweet moments and the love things – when he got another trash pregnant yet again. This man has no regard for my feelings. He doesn’t think about me; what makes me sad, or angry, and what makes me happy. All he cares about himself and how he can take advantage of me and my love for him.

So, I did what was unbearable at first. I distanced myself from him. And like an abuser to his victim, he tried to lure me back in, but I already built a wall. It wasn’t sturdy enough back then, but my family was my anchor. They were there to support me and remind me that I am better off without him. Why? He has done nothing but harms me physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically. That man even damaged my bank account and gold jewelry. There is nothing good between us except for our five children, and for that, just for that, I am grateful for his existence.

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God placed me in this situation. This is my destiny, and even if I had to go through a touch twenty years, I still thank my Creator that I am alive and well.

By focusing on values that stem from existing strengths, we can better appreciate the intent of the goal and the positive impact it will have on ourselves and others.  — Teyhou Smyth Ph.D., LMFT

One year has passed, and I am feeling great. I have a new career, and let’s say, a few fans waving and paving their ways to my heart. Good thing that I am not stupid now and that I know to love myself first, before anything else.

Balancing Career And Family Time  

 

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Many parents work religiously and do business excellently because they want to provide the best things for their children. This is a good thing as long as the parents can find the perfect balance between career and family time. At this point, it is significant to note that kids need more attention, love, care and time more than anything else in this world. For this reason, it is essential that you make an effort to spend quality time with your children despite the fact that you are too busy with work or business. 

Although poorly named—work is an important part of life, not a conflicting aspect of it—the term “work-life balance” is pretty accurate: to balance regular demands on our time, including work responsibilities, loving relationships, physical and mental well-being, and individual pursuits. — Tchiki Davis, Ph.D.

Check this list below for some smart ideas on how to find time to spend with your kids despite having a hectic schedule: 

Share A Breakfast Together 

As much as possible, wake up early so that you can prepare breakfast for your children and share the morning meals with them. This lovely and straightforward gesture can mean a lot to them. Try to cook food that they want to eat for a particular day. It is highly recommended to have a menu plan for the week so that you will not experience inconvenience or difficulty during the cooking time. At the same time, do not hesitate to ask for some help from your spouse.  

Help In Making Assignments 

If your children are still in their tender age, then expect them to go home every day with several assignments from their subjects. What you can do is to help them prepare for these home works. Teach them the proper ways of answering the tasks given out by their teachers. Always keep in mind that as a parent, you have the primary responsibility to help them learn or increase their knowledge. 

… it means giving all of your time, money, energy, and love to someone else for nothing more in trade than the occasional lip service of “you’re wonderful” and “I love you”. — Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.

Make Weekends Count  

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Your kids understand if you only have a little time to share with them during the weekends. They know that you needed to go to work or conduct business for the good of the family. However, expect them to look forward to every weekend. They have probably a lot of things going on in their minds. The best thing to do is to ask them what they want to achieve or happen for the weekend. Make a promise to spend the whole Saturday or Sunday with your little ones. 

Avoid Taking Calls 

When you are at home, make it a habit of rejecting calls from work or business unless they are important. Be polite in reminding your boss, clients or colleagues that you prefer not to receive calls after office or working hours. Do not worry because they will understand the situation. Consider your home as an exclusive sanctuary where you can rest and chill with the entire family. Do not let business calls ruin it.  

To be good ethical people – good parents, children, friends, citizens, and workers – we need good character and it is an open empirical question whether access to essential goods such as food, shelter, and education will enable us to develop good character and fill our life-defining ethical roles well. — Bradford Cokelet Ph.D.

Spending quality time with your kids is essential. You cannot just keep on showering them with material things. As already mentioned above, they need to feel that you love them. Show your children how much they matter to you by giving them most of your time. They need to feel that you are always there whenever they want someone to talk to or try the new experience with.   

 

Work-Life Balance: Giving Attention To Your Boyfriend (A Personal Story)

Almost a year after divorcing my husband, I tried my “heart.” I went into a “serious” relationship with a younger man, a surgeon who is four years younger than me. He is not that super and extremely attractive type of doctor that you see on TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy, or Chicago Med. He is just a regular guy, who has beautiful hands that operate on people – poor people – who can’t pay for their surgery. That’s the type of guy that I have now. He is helpful and donates his time to the less fortunate by providing his surgical expertise. And that’s one of the things I immediately liked about him.

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Low-Self Esteem And Depression – What To Do About It

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Last week, I talked about finding my worth after twenty years of being married to a gambling addict, among many other things. What I wanted to say is that, for all women out there, you have to know your worth even before you get into a relationship. Men will take you for granted if you let them see that you have low self-esteem. But then again, how will you know that you lack in that issue? I will discuss this later in the blog, but let me tell you my story first.

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Know Your Worth As A Wife – Or You Will End Up Like Me

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I have no value whatsoever for this man. He does not see me as his beloved wife; not even as a human being. I don’t know why he has come to this point, or why we have reached this level of indifference. My mind keeps on repeating the past and our history. I am trying to remember what happened in those twenty years that we’ve been married, and in between our five children. How did he become like this to me? Where did it all go wrong? Will I ever get the answers to my questions?

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What To Do When Someone Refuses To Listen To You

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You do not have to become a therapist to realize that you can give as many advice as you want, but not everyone will listen to you. Take the case of almost every parent out there as an example. When their teenage kids are dealing with a love problem, they sometimes don’t get heard because the children say that “they don’t know how they feel.” If mom or dad advises the kids to choose better friends and let go of the current ones, the latter think they are ridiculous.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, student, or employee, though, you need to emulate the traits of a therapist. To be specific, try not to yell at someone’s face, no matter how frustrated you may be. Mental health professionals know better than to do that. Aside from it perhaps being against their oath, the shouting can only rattle someone’s brain further and prevent them from seeing reason. That may even push them to make more irrational decisions, to the extent that their lives become at risk.

Here are a few more tips on what to do when someone refuses to listen to you.

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Sometimes the people who have the most words in an argument have the most impoverished vocabularies for their emotions. — Lois V. Nightingale, PhD

Don’t Preach If A Person’s Not In A Good Mood

The first thing to remember is to make sure that the individual you are trying to show some sense to is not having a rough day already. For instance, their lunch order did not come late. There was not a lot of traffic even during rush hour. Their exam results were more than passable.

If you don’t wait for them to cheer up, the person may think that you are insensitive of their feelings. They may not have the energy to snap back at you, but they can ignore you. It can happen regardless if you’re the boss and they are only your employee, considering upset people feel like they have nothing else to lose in such desperate times. So, if your goal is to help, try to do it when an individual is in a good mood.

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No matter how well you thought through the words you shared, the way you listened to them will make or break your ability to change how they feel and think. — Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.

Avoid Saying Someone’s Views Are Wrong

In reality, you know the right way to solve a colleague’s or loved one’s issue; that’s why you are trying to help. You may have experienced it in the past or know someone who has. Furthermore, you may be a professional who wants to offer a free consultation to a distressed person who is close to you.

Despite how wrong someone’s views are, however, you should avoid saying that blatantly. For one, it will hurt their feelings, to the point that your relationship will come to an end. Secondly, they may sulk and try to take a jab at you using your history. Worse, you may force them to keep on doing what they should not be doing because you have gotten them angry.

Just chill and pick every word that comes out of your mouth, therefore, to avoid giving a troublesome individual more problems.

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We need to learn how to act as a pressure relief valve for others, including family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers. We need to learn how to reduce our own pressure, but also how to help others release the anger and fear in safer ways. — Nancy Berns Ph.D.

Let It Be

The last advice when someone does not want to listen to you is to let it be. Especially with adults, you cannot tie them up or ground them if they refuse to see a situation in your perspective. All the veins can show on your neck, and you won’t still get heard if they have already closed their mind and ears.

The only thing that you can do is to allow people to realize the right path on their own. Will it mean they may make mistakes and fall? Maybe, maybe not. Will they say, “I wish I have listened to you sooner” in the end? Perhaps. There is no way to predict how someone’s life will turn out.

What matters is that you don’t sneer when a person sees how right you are and uttering, “I told you so.” You may have known what to do all along, but you should be happy that they have plucked up the courage to find their way. That is honestly commendable since not everyone seems determined enough to do anything to alter their reality for the better.

To Sum It All Up

There will always be at least one stubborn person in your life. It can be your aging parent, growing child, or new coworker. You want to help them see that what they are doing is unacceptable, that there is another way to accomplish things. Kudos to you for being willing to spend your time helping them, but you cannot force your views to anyone. As mentioned above, you need to wait till they are in a good mood, not say outright that they’re wrong, and let them be if they still refuse to listen.