Single-parent families are ubiquitous nowadays, either headed by a mother, a father, or grandparent taking care of their grandchildren.
Your instantaneous physiological reactions might include rapid heartbeat, tightened muscles, heat rising into your head and neck area, clenched teeth, increased sweat, as well as an increased propensity to scream your dissatisfaction to the non-existent persona on the other end of the line. In short, you’ve just been hijacked by your autonomic nervous system and you’re “stressed.” — Teresa Trower, LMHC
Having a mental health problem or issue can make you doubt yourself. You will start to think that you are incapable of loving someone and being loved in return. At the same time, it will also be difficult on your part to accept certain things in your life. One of the mental illnesses that can affect your life is an anxiety disorder. Whether you like it or not, you have no choice but to fight this problem. You cannot allow this situation to defeat you.
All of us struggle with the busyness of everyday life. Looking forward to the weekend for fun and rest is what keeps us going. But then when your boss suddenly calls for a heads up for extra work on the weekends, this could immediately put your spirit even more down.
I used to believe that I wasn’t worth anything if I didn’t have my husband’s love. You could say that I was that needy and clingy, or maybe he controlled me that much and had that power over me. And I let him because I thought that this was love. I felt that if I submitted to him, like how an obedient wife would bow down to her husband, he would love me more. That didn’t happen.
One important aspect of understanding self-love involves figuring out what it’s not. — Alicia Muñoz, LPC
Another sad attempt of mine to keep his “love” was to agree in having so many babies. Don’t get me wrong. I love all of my children – all five of them is a part of my life. They are my children, and they all came from me. I am half of what they are, and they are part of the reason why I still exist and persist in my life. But I made myself think, back then, that if I had many kids with him, he will love me forever and will stay with me. That didn’t happen.
Would you believe that I almost died? I tried to commit suicide by drinking dangerous pills twelve years ago. It was a stupid move – I know that now. I thought that if I made this kind of “drama,” he will leave his mistress. If I “almost died,” he will love me more and try to make it all the better between us. In my mind, he will stop gambling. He will stay at home more, and he will help me out with your children. All I wanted was his love and attention. That didn’t happen.
We all want that magic carpet ride to serenity, calm, and peace. However, there are more scenarios that can undermine your peace of mind. — Teresa Trower, LMHC
He neglected me for years. I had trouble sleeping and experienced bouts of depression too. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and for what? Just for a man, a man who didn’t even deserve my love.
I realized that things would never go my way – all the sweet moments and the love things – when he got another trash pregnant yet again. This man has no regard for my feelings. He doesn’t think about me; what makes me sad, or angry, and what makes me happy. All he cares about himself and how he can take advantage of me and my love for him.
So, I did what was unbearable at first. I distanced myself from him. And like an abuser to his victim, he tried to lure me back in, but I already built a wall. It wasn’t sturdy enough back then, but my family was my anchor. They were there to support me and remind me that I am better off without him. Why? He has done nothing but harms me physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically. That man even damaged my bank account and gold jewelry. There is nothing good between us except for our five children, and for that, just for that, I am grateful for his existence.
God placed me in this situation. This is my destiny, and even if I had to go through a touch twenty years, I still thank my Creator that I am alive and well.
By focusing on values that stem from existing strengths, we can better appreciate the intent of the goal and the positive impact it will have on ourselves and others. — Teyhou Smyth Ph.D., LMFT
One year has passed, and I am feeling great. I have a new career, and let’s say, a few fans waving and paving their ways to my heart. Good thing that I am not stupid now and that I know to love myself first, before anything else.
Many parents work religiously and do business excellently because they want to provide the best things for their children. This is a good thing as long as the parents can find the perfect balance between career and family time. At this point, it is significant to note that kids need more attention, love, care and time more than anything else in this world. For this reason, it is essential that you make an effort to spend quality time with your children despite the fact that you are too busy with work or business.
Although poorly named—work is an important part of life, not a conflicting aspect of it—the term “work-life balance” is pretty accurate: to balance regular demands on our time, including work responsibilities, loving relationships, physical and mental well-being, and individual pursuits. — Tchiki Davis, Ph.D.
Check this list below for some smart ideas on how to find time to spend with your kids despite having a hectic schedule:
Share A Breakfast Together
As much as possible, wake up early so that you can prepare breakfast for your children and share the morning meals with them. This lovely and straightforward gesture can mean a lot to them. Try to cook food that they want to eat for a particular day. It is highly recommended to have a menu plan for the week so that you will not experience inconvenience or difficulty during the cooking time. At the same time, do not hesitate to ask for some help from your spouse.
Help In Making Assignments
If your children are still in their tender age, then expect them to go home every day with several assignments from their subjects. What you can do is to help them prepare for these home works. Teach them the proper ways of answering the tasks given out by their teachers. Always keep in mind that as a parent, you have the primary responsibility to help them learn or increase their knowledge.
… it means giving all of your time, money, energy, and love to someone else for nothing more in trade than the occasional lip service of “you’re wonderful” and “I love you”. — Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.
Make Weekends Count
Your kids understand if you only have a little time to share with them during the weekends. They know that you needed to go to work or conduct business for the good of the family. However, expect them to look forward to every weekend. They have probably a lot of things going on in their minds. The best thing to do is to ask them what they want to achieve or happen for the weekend. Make a promise to spend the whole Saturday or Sunday with your little ones.
Avoid Taking Calls
When you are at home, make it a habit of rejecting calls from work or business unless they are important. Be polite in reminding your boss, clients or colleagues that you prefer not to receive calls after office or working hours. Do not worry because they will understand the situation. Consider your home as an exclusive sanctuary where you can rest and chill with the entire family. Do not let business calls ruin it.
To be good ethical people – good parents, children, friends, citizens, and workers – we need good character and it is an open empirical question whether access to essential goods such as food, shelter, and education will enable us to develop good character and fill our life-defining ethical roles well. — Bradford Cokelet Ph.D.
Spending quality time with your kids is essential. You cannot just keep on showering them with material things. As already mentioned above, they need to feel that you love them. Show your children how much they matter to you by giving them most of your time. They need to feel that you are always there whenever they want someone to talk to or try the new experience with.
Almost a year after divorcing my husband, I tried my “heart.” I went into a “serious” relationship with a younger man, a surgeon who is four years younger than me. He is not that super and extremely attractive type of doctor that you see on TV shows like Grey’s Anatomy, or Chicago Med. He is just a regular guy, who has beautiful hands that operate on people – poor people – who can’t pay for their surgery. That’s the type of guy that I have now. He is helpful and donates his time to the less fortunate by providing his surgical expertise. And that’s one of the things I immediately liked about him.
Last week, I talked about finding my worth after twenty years of being married to a gambling addict, among many other things. What I wanted to say is that, for all women out there, you have to know your worth even before you get into a relationship. Men will take you for granted if you let them see that you have low self-esteem. But then again, how will you know that you lack in that issue? I will discuss this later in the blog, but let me tell you my story first.
I have no value whatsoever for this man. He does not see me as his beloved wife; not even as a human being. I don’t know why he has come to this point, or why we have reached this level of indifference. My mind keeps on repeating the past and our history. I am trying to remember what happened in those twenty years that we’ve been married, and in between our five children. How did he become like this to me? Where did it all go wrong? Will I ever get the answers to my questions?
You do not have to become a therapist to realize that you can give as many advice as you want, but not everyone will listen to you. Take the case of almost every parent out there as an example. When their teenage kids are dealing with a love problem, they sometimes don’t get heard because the children say that “they don’t know how they feel.” If mom or dad advises the kids to choose better friends and let go of the current ones, the latter think they are ridiculous.
Whether you’re a parent, teacher, student, or employee, though, you need to emulate the traits of a therapist. To be specific, try not to yell at someone’s face, no matter how frustrated you may be. Mental health professionals know better than to do that. Aside from it perhaps being against their oath, the shouting can only rattle someone’s brain further and prevent them from seeing reason. That may even push them to make more irrational decisions, to the extent that their lives become at risk.
Here are a few more tips on what to do when someone refuses to listen to you.
Sometimes the people who have the most words in an argument have the most impoverished vocabularies for their emotions. — Lois V. Nightingale, PhD
Don’t Preach If A Person’s Not In A Good Mood
The first thing to remember is to make sure that the individual you are trying to show some sense to is not having a rough day already. For instance, their lunch order did not come late. There was not a lot of traffic even during rush hour. Their exam results were more than passable.
If you don’t wait for them to cheer up, the person may think that you are insensitive of their feelings. They may not have the energy to snap back at you, but they can ignore you. It can happen regardless if you’re the boss and they are only your employee, considering upset people feel like they have nothing else to lose in such desperate times. So, if your goal is to help, try to do it when an individual is in a good mood.
No matter how well you thought through the words you shared, the way you listened to them will make or break your ability to change how they feel and think. — Marcia Reynolds Psy.D.
Avoid Saying Someone’s Views Are Wrong
In reality, you know the right way to solve a colleague’s or loved one’s issue; that’s why you are trying to help. You may have experienced it in the past or know someone who has. Furthermore, you may be a professional who wants to offer a free consultation to a distressed person who is close to you.
Despite how wrong someone’s views are, however, you should avoid saying that blatantly. For one, it will hurt their feelings, to the point that your relationship will come to an end. Secondly, they may sulk and try to take a jab at you using your history. Worse, you may force them to keep on doing what they should not be doing because you have gotten them angry.
Just chill and pick every word that comes out of your mouth, therefore, to avoid giving a troublesome individual more problems.
We need to learn how to act as a pressure relief valve for others, including family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers. We need to learn how to reduce our own pressure, but also how to help others release the anger and fear in safer ways. — Nancy Berns Ph.D.
Let It Be
The last advice when someone does not want to listen to you is to let it be. Especially with adults, you cannot tie them up or ground them if they refuse to see a situation in your perspective. All the veins can show on your neck, and you won’t still get heard if they have already closed their mind and ears.
The only thing that you can do is to allow people to realize the right path on their own. Will it mean they may make mistakes and fall? Maybe, maybe not. Will they say, “I wish I have listened to you sooner” in the end? Perhaps. There is no way to predict how someone’s life will turn out.
What matters is that you don’t sneer when a person sees how right you are and uttering, “I told you so.” You may have known what to do all along, but you should be happy that they have plucked up the courage to find their way. That is honestly commendable since not everyone seems determined enough to do anything to alter their reality for the better.
To Sum It All Up
There will always be at least one stubborn person in your life. It can be your aging parent, growing child, or new coworker. You want to help them see that what they are doing is unacceptable, that there is another way to accomplish things. Kudos to you for being willing to spend your time helping them, but you cannot force your views to anyone. As mentioned above, you need to wait till they are in a good mood, not say outright that they’re wrong, and let them be if they still refuse to listen.
Stress and pressure are indeed the worst enemies you can have in your life. It ruins your sense of worthiness, motivation, and even emotional and mental state. It deals with too much life toxicities that are sometimes way impossible to handle. It supports the buildup of anxiety and depression, as well. There are a lot of negativities associated with it, and a psychologist would not argue with that. But with all the drama, irregularities, and struggles you may experience in life, there is still one essential thing you need to remember. That is to take things slowly.
Adults, who realize that both bad and good times pass, have the advantage here over teens, who often suffer greatly after new adversities and wonder if they will be happy again. — Teresa Trower, LMHC
Admittedly, there are things in life that require immediate resolution. Meaning, you need to make instant decisions with or without thoroughly thinking about the consequences of that particular issue. It seems pretty tough, though. But no matter how hard you avoid it, it will always go down to you making a move. However, it is not always the case. There are times that even if the situation requires your immediate action, you can still play pause and take things slowly. You can have the chance to evaluate the factors to make the whole scenario worthwhile.
The Biggest Mistake
Would you agree if people would say that the biggest mistakes in life happen when you rush things? Indeed, it is. When you make a decision that you know can change your life forever, there is no turning back. There is no rewind, edit, and delete portion. With that said, all actions and decisions on a particular matter stay in it. That includes having a family and getting married, deciding what career path to take, taking people in and out of your life, and even changing your whole perception with personality development. Truthfully, addressing essential things in life is not as easy as 1,2, and 3. There are tons of reflections to take and sacrifices to make. Most of the times, things you want are often out of your control. There is always an instance of you giving up and doing things all over again.
It seems that, as a culture, we’ll do almost anything to take our attention away from the moment we’re living in with all its unsettling, in-your-face, nonnegotiable reality. — Alicia Muñoz, LPC
As what all people know, irrational decisions are often the cause of failed success. There is too much dependency, blame, mishandling, and loss of hope. Yes, there are circumstances that instant approach can become a game changer. However, the process of success does not entirely follow an order. Therefore, the particular move becomes useless. Things can change quickly without prior notice, and whether you like or not, you will still have to create a decision that genuinely works. With that, the automatic creation of resolution will not guarantee an actual and positive outcome. Thus, whatever it is that you think will work today, will not necessarily often create a difference in the future.
What You Can Do
So before you can even sour-grape and regret the things you already did or did not do, you might as well think things thoroughly. You can start by evaluating your goals in life. Learn to check out the importance of your capability in handling problems related to financial stability, career growth, community involvement, even relationship advancement, and so on. There are significant things you can do when you know how to use your time and energy wisely. It is essential to note that when it comes to handling life, relationships, and career decisions, multiple evaluations are needed. Instead of jumping into conclusion, it is better to take a few steps back and reflect on what possible outcome an action may serve.
We offer comfort and soothing in some way, whether it’s a healing glance, a loving touch, a supportive hug, or kind words. The gift of comforting and soothing stimulates the soothing/contentment system in the body and provides a sense of security that helps tone down negative emotions. Beverly Engel L.M.F.T.
No one said that life would be easy. Everything about it often starts with a mess. There are particular things that you might not like but have to do because you have to. But no matter how harsh and unpredictable life can get, you are still the owner of it. Meaning, only you can make a difference. It is only you who can alter what is in front of you and decide on every piece of it in aim for the betterment of yourself. Yes, stress and anxiety are always part of the process. But those are not enough reasons for you to stay out of track. Be mindful that whatever your decisions are going to be, you need to take things slowly. Besides, patience is always a virtue.